Tiki gods and goddesses will not be denied their desires. So why would you? I’m a hula gal who knows she can enjoy her luau and have it low-carb, too! There’s no reason for meal time mutiny when you crave that taste of the tropics, yet need to keep it keto. Low-carb on the high seas is possible without committing tiki treason—and Pretty Spooky will show you the way. But, keep close. It’s a jungle out there!
Our journey begins in Japan, where a gorgeous, red-lipped dame exits a rickshaw on the neon streets of China Town. As she stretches out her long legs to meet the puddled pavement, the glow of the red lanterns illuminate her fair skin.
She reaches for her pocketbook, but not to tip her driver. No, she knows the Yakuza, who lurk in the steamy shadows between the food stalls will do it for her. You see, she’s The Boss, yet she yearns for a more simple life— maybe one with a handsome G.I. on some palm tree island far, far away. But for now, she runs theYakuza, who all happily hail their satin-swathed queen of the noodle district. The Japanese food gangsters, or Yakuza, all call her “The Dragon” because she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it.
Her heels click the pavement down the dark alley. “The Dragon” follows the scent of her favorite dish. His name is Henry— and his soup is pretty hot and spicy, too. Henry sells the best take-home ramen kits, or Yatai, in town. Even though Henry’s from The States, he makes his Yatai just the way she likes it: lusciously low-carb.
Their eyes meet in the dim lantern light. Without saying a word, Henry (who knows what a lady likes) places in front of her a steaming bowl of fragrant broth brimming with bright vegetables, pink shrimp, earthy mushrooms, and his magic noodles, all topped with an egg and a sprinkle of black sesame. “Grab a bowl for yourself,” she said, and motioned toward the alley way. “And make ‘em to go,” she added, as she led him through the fog, toward the dock, and onto the ship.
The S.S. Adventure was swanky and new. It had all of the high-class amenities, including a real swell bar stocked with the good stuff. Henry followed “The Dragon” to a quiet corner. She knew he’d follow her to the ends of the earth.
“The Dragon” looked over the menu and ordered two cocktails. “Two Maiden Voyages,” she said to the bartender with a wink. “They sound absolutely divine,” she said, as she stood, straightened her seams, and glided over to the ship’s railing to look out over the black sea that stretched out ahead of them for what seemed like an eternity.
Henry’s eyes followed her until she disappeared in the darkness. Then his strong, tanned hands lifted the menu to read the drink description in the candle light: “Maiden Voyage— Gentle seas coax you out further than anticipated. She’s an exotic enchantress that will sway you off coarse with her sweet n’ smooth caress and distract you with intoxicating complexity. But, it’s too late. After one sip, you know there’s no turning back.” Henry put the menu down and wondered what he had just gotten himself into. But, he was looking forward to finding out.
We’ll never know exactly what happened to “The Dragon” and her willing victim, Henry. Hopefully, they’ve opened up a little noodle shop together somewhere in the South Pacific, enjoying “Yakazu Yatai” and sipping “Maiden Voyages” under the swaying palm trees.
Fortunately for us, the one clue they left behind was their recipe for low-carb love. So, all you Hula Honeys and Jungle Jims, go ahead and stir up some spicy, steamy, and hot Yakazu Yatai tonight. Then, say a toast to the tiki gods as you quench your thirst with a cool Maiden Voyage and set sail for your own adventure.